On Being Friends WIth Someone Who Could Have, Under Different Circumstance, Almost Been a Groupie

I was watching this (which I think is kinda funny, mainly because Slipknot is so utterly ridiculous – a skull on the turntable, 12 or so band members, and of course masks -- need I say more)? Anyway, I was reminded of a wonderful, wonderful event that transpired, um, maybe a year and a half ago? I don’t even know. But I’m not sure we’ve ever discussed it, which just seems wrong.

So one night, Boulos and I were hanging out at Rudy’s on 9th ave. If you’ve never been there, it’s a really fun dive full of old people, hipsters, sleazy men, and self-proclaimed Westies . I once felt very obligated to at least seriously consider dating the bouncer because his friend, while attempting to persuade me, managed to mention that he was an ex-con Westie several times. Anyway, it’s basically a great place for two single young women to go if they enjoy being hit on by all manner of sleazy men.

We were, surprisingly, drunk, and this guy came over and started to hit on Boulos. Hard. Not just paying her a fair amount of attention – paying attention only to her, ignoring me, crowding her, etc. I think Boulos had somewhat recently gotten serious with Andy (if you’ll allow me to phrase that like someone’s grandma, thanks), and it was really funny to watch her get hit on in this situation. Then he REALLY pulled out all the stops – he said that he was a member of Slipknot, and invited us (or maybe just her, I don’t remember) to a hotel party with some of his bandmates!

Unsurprisingly, we later used a cell phone picture of this guy to prove to ourselves that he was not, in fact, a member of Slipknot. I don’t even remember how – where do you find pictures of them sans masks? – but I think Boulos’s brother confirmed our suspicions.

The best part of this lie, though, was how insanely into it this guy was. First of all, he knew waaaaaaaaay too much about Slipknot. Like, I think he claimed to be the guy in the Pig mask, and he totally knew that guy’s name. He was talking about a show they had just played in Philadelphia or somewhere like that, which we did confirm they had played, and basically going on and on with just enough details concerning his identity, but not so many that it became obvious lying. Sure, we were drunk, but I think he really believed he was in the band.

So what do you think he would have done if we had gone to the alleged “hotel party” with him? A party that obviously didn't exist. My guess is, our mutilated bodies might have been found in one of those sleazy motels on the West Side Highway, but that’s just me. Nothing like a brush with certain death to remind you you're alive.

~Amanda