Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Moist Towelette Museum????

Who would take the time? Why??? You can seriously find anything online, I guess.

This is more disturbing to me than most porn. Pretty much any porn involving two consenting adult humans is more relatable to me than this.

Friday, July 25, 2008


Here are a few details my sister left our during the gchat:
  • The boy in question looked about 12 and was wearing a batman costume. I will need to speak with my mother about the extent to which this was a full-on costume; all I can verify is that it definitely involved some kind of headgear resembling the ears of the batman mask.
  • The girl was Asian (I do not know why this is relevant) and looked significantly older than the boy.
It just gets better and better, huh?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Gchats about my mom

Here is an interesting gchat between my sister and myself. It is in regards to a phone call my sister received from my mom at work. Note: my mother is inappropriate and works at Starbucks.

mom also told me about two young kids at her starbucks...
blah, blah, blah...
but basically, she went to use the bathroom and they were both in there
so when they came out she went in and then tells me
"Oh gosh and can you believe it!?! There was gizum on the floor!"
and I said, what?
and she goes, "gizum, you know like cum"

I thought she was saying gum

Sis: oh yeah

is that what she was trying to say?

Sis: yeah, yeah but she calls it jizum

bc I need you to imitate mom

Sis: is that an actual word?

Amanda: I think it is
but not one to be used

I am crying at my desk right now just thinking of it

Amanda: I mean, plus... she's MOM, could she just say semen please?
is that too much to ask?
If I have kids I am not going to dirty-talk them

Sis: ill, sick and she wiped it up

Amanda: especially when they are at work!
omg I’m laughing
and crying

Sis: she was like. "I knew it was jizum because I could tell by the consistency"
how sick!!

Amanda: oh I may have to send this entire convo to boulos
OMG MOM STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sis: please do

Amanda: jizum, haha

Sis: and then when I was like, "oh sick. oh my God" more so referring to mom's story... her response? "I know, can you believe it?! In my Starbucks? I mean someone was getting a hand job or a blow job. In my Starbucks. I don't know if she just spit it on the floor..."
I suppose she was referring to the lump of "jizum" she wiped up

Amanda: ew
omg mom

Picture This...

Like most girls (women?) our age, the Wife and I have been nearly lifelong fans of the excellent, overly sexualized, and sometimes horrifying cult classic, The Golden Girls. We experienced a renewed appreciation for the show during college, and probably got WAY more of the jokes then, than the first time around. Of course, you all know that one of the girls was Sophia Petrillo, played by Estelle Getty. We just wanted to memorialize her, because she was one funny bitch.

Not only did she play mother to Bea Arthur, who is actually one year her junior, but she was able to steal a scene no matter WHAT other crazy shit was going on in that episode. Her ability to cut someone down, and still be sweet was what made her character so awesome. So, here's to you, Estelle, we will miss you and your crazy stories of Sicily! RIP, the Unicorns salute you!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Coming not-so-soon to a bookshelf near you...

Boulos and I have been having very deep Gchat discussions re: love lately. Thank god we have each other because our repetetive whining (mine moreso than hers currently) would drive anyone else away.

In any case, we decided that neither of us knows anything about life and love and we are thus qualified to write a self-help book addressing both.

Obviously, given our inability to write simple blog posts on a semi-regular basis, this will take awhile.

So in about 2019, be on the look out for The Unicorns' Approach to Life and Love: I Will Master You, Bitch

Monday, July 21, 2008

Infrequent, I know

I think I may need to stop listening to “The Pace is the Trick” by Interpol and “Gender Bombs” and “Retour a Vega” by the Stills, at least when I have my period. Goddamn I love these songs, but they really get me down.

It’s been a long time but I would like to try to keep up this blog…life is so weird, randomly super busy for a few days and then I’m bored and staring at my dog, thinking about how I should really try to read more. Also: stealing wireless internet is NOT the most reliable method of connecting oneself with the outside world.

p.s. Boulos and I started a new blog, called “Caption Obvious.” Link in blogroll, to the right. It’s possible that that one will ALSO never get updated; we’ll see.