So, I’m really fucking pissed because Dirty Pretty Things is playing their Chicago show tomorrow night, which I only found out about today because I prefer to keep my head in the sand, thank you. I’m looking for tickets on CL, but, um, I have like $40 and people are already offering $100 for one ticket. So the outlook is not good.
Anyway, to cheer me up, here is a story I should probably not post on a blog, and may have to take down:
So I have a friend – we will call her X simply because no one’s name begins with X, so good luck figuring that one out – who began talking to a certain Best Week Ever talking head on Myspace awhile ago. Best Week Ever Dude will henceforth be known as BWED, btw. Eventually, they realized that he would be doing a show in a town near her home, and they decided to meet up afterwards for drinks and general merriment. To make a not-very-long story short, they had sex (I mean, I just realized that this story is so much better if you a) know the girl, b) anticipated the meeting, and saw her anticipating the meeting – after googling the guy to figure out who the hell she was talking about, of course, and c) were there to see her say, “yeah, I had sex with BWED”).
Afterwards, he gave her an autograph that read: “Dear X, Thanks for giving me the Best Week Ever! Love, BWED.” (It wasn’t on like a paper napkin or some toilet paper, it was on a free piece of comedy-related merchandise). The message is kind of… eh. I mean, who didn’t see that coming? So, here are a few superior things I have come up with that he could have written instead:
- X: Hotter than the Sizzler!!!
- Dear X: We are totally going to make the Sizzler this week!
- Dear X: Unfortunately, the producers will not allow me to include personal conquests on the Sizzler anymore. But you will always be in the Sizzler of my heart!
- X: Total UPGRADE for BWED!
- Dear X, How can I begin to explain my loneliness? I can’t, really. I tour the country, seeking a bit of warmth and human kindness where I can find it. Did you know that I tape my segments for Best Week Ever all alone, in a tiny room? There is no empathy, no tenderness, no human connection of any kind in my life. Then again, can we ever really understand one another and forge that connection? Thank you for trying with me. Thank you for easing my loneliness, if only for 35 minutes.
- Dear X, Let’s go to Sizzler. My treat.
Btw, he it should be pointed out that he is still maintaining contact, and wants to see her again. Hence, the title of this post.
P.s. There were going to be some pictures, but that feature doesn't seem to be working on Blogger... so, um, here you go. Maybe I'll add later.