This is me according to the AARP:
Ok... someone has got to help me out. For the past year or so, the AARP has been sending me mail at my parents house. My Dad and I shared initials, so I thought perhaps it was a mixup or something, and I never thought much of it until this weekend. All of a sudden they have tracked me down here in NYC! Now, I'm scared! As much as I'd like to retire after 3 years in the professional world... I am only 25! I CANNOT JOIN THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RETIRED PERSONS, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!
I have a good 40 years before I can taste the sweet nectar of early bird specials and hotel discounts! I do not want their geriatric jibber-jabber clogging my mailbox, wtf? Is their a name twin of mine missing out on elderly excellence? Is there some retiree getting free samples of young, hip products meant for me? WHAT IS WRONG HERE? Did I buy some sort of product for oldies that has gotten me on a list? Last time I checked I do not have a constant supply of orthopedic shoes and Ben Gay... so AARP, if you're listening, please leave me alone! Perhaps my move in 3 weeks will help me shake them for good, if not, I guess that soon I'll be hearing that feeble knock at my door once again.