Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Erotic Vagina

Ok, so starting our senior year in college, the wife and I, and all of our friends frequented the Barrow St. Ale House every Thursday. We went to the bar on other days as well, and it was definitely our defacto place to go out. We started going b/c of the $15 all you can drink Happy Hour on Thursdays, and stayed for our love of the bartenders and bouncers alike. Soon before the wife moved away, we had significantly cut down on our trips to Barrow. The staff had changed so much that we barely knew the peeps that worked there anymore, and the other regulars weren't there nearly as much, and the entire place had lost it's original dive-y charm.

Now, it's like any other sports bar in the city, completely generic and lame with tons of flatscreens and mediocre food. They even gave up the unique jukebox, that had featured mixes made by bartenders and bouncers alike, for one of those terrible touchscreen ones! The stools and crappy formica-topped tables of yore have been replaced with these chain restaurant style leather booths. The creepy deer heads are no longer adorning the walls, etc, basically it's totally lame. The SADDEST thing is the bathroom rennovation. The girl's room MIRACULOUSLY still houses two stalls, but the similarity to the shit pit of yore ends there. The pearls of wisdom like, "I went to the carnival, a candy apple caught my eye. I learned to love and I learned to fly.", and my personal fave, "I have diarhea, please call an ambulance, thanks." have been PAINTED OVER! The toilet paper is no longer suspended from an old pool cue hovering above the midget-sized commodes! Alas, it's not the same. The only crowning glory of the "new" Barrow St, is this feature on their website. The "bathroom wall" has apparently been tagged with some porn spam featuring some of the most insanely ridiculous lines I've ever seen in my life. The wife just found it, and it inspired me to write this, and it's where the beautiful title of this entry came from. So, although I don't recommend heading over to Barrow for a pint, I do recommend hitting up their site for some awe-inspiring phrases that will definitely make you giggle!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Can't you smell that smell?

As most of you must know by now, I don't really have a sense of smell. Aside from the occasional whiff of garlic WHILE I AM ACTUALLY CHOPPING IT, and a couple of other times in college, while under certain influences, I do not smell a thing. Today, a friend of mine at work sent me this article, which I could've written myself! I seriously am considering typing out a copy of it, and carrying it around with me, when people ask me these EXACT questions every time they hear of my condition. I would like to point out though, that my wife told me if I'd written it, it would've been much funnier, which is undoubtedly true... but oh well!

Seriously though folks, I am happy to hear that I am not alone... I share an affliction with this guy.

Cheerio, Simon! And to all those who suffer from hyposmia!

P.S. Please refrain from buying me scented candles, I really don't appreciate them, and they end up just being a gift for my boyfriend, which is really just not fair! LOL!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Day

And I got you a gift, too:

I LOVE THIS PICTURE. I voted for Hillary and I love her, but what the fuck??

And now I have to go, because Jay Leno just snuck onto my television again and I must change the channel before he trots out Larry the Cable Guy. What a fucking pair. They're like the anti-Hillary and mariachi boy.

Try not to get knocked up tonight! I won't have to try too hard.

Dear Lord, make it stop

I have always known that the Tonight Show is terrible. Jay Leno is just about the least funny man alive. However, when I am near the television at 10:30 I inevitably wind up half-watching it because I'm too lazy to turn the channel after the news (Channel 5 news in Chicago is the only acceptable local news, for reals) and I'm usually cleaning the kitchen or something.

The past few nights I've been surfing the internets, which are lovely to have around at home finally, and Jay Leno has intruded into my living room every night. And I just realized the Tonight Show has become worse than I could ever imagine. LARRY THE CABLE GUY HAS BEEN ON EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK.

And he was just wearing an unexplained, awful purple speedo thingy. With a camo vest, of course.

p.s. I promise to blog a bit more, maybe.