Friday, August 24, 2007

mmm, bac-os...

Radar has a very funny list of reasons you're still single, which Alice forwarded to Boulos, who forwarded it to me.

Things that pertain to me:

6. Have written poetry inside a Starbucks

10. Are Courtney Love
(replace “are” with “aspire to be”)

19. Scream out Wheel of Fortune answers
(but more often, it’s Jeopardy)

31. Call October "Rocktober"
(actually, it was Cocktober. Which is better)

51. Call underwear "panties" (to horrify people, because in my experience roughly 50% of the female populace cringes upon hearing that word)

75. Have a bedside stack of Sudoku books
(and crossword puzzles)

98. Posted a Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad to find the kid who groped you on the subway
(j/k. But I did once give my real number to a guy who hit on me in a really inappropriately close manner in the subway. I have no idea why I did that, it was like a momentary lapse of logic.)


I would argue the the following best describe middle-aged, "married-but-looking" type men I've met, rather than the single set.


7. Wink in a rakish manner each time you tell a joke

28. Refer to your PDA as a "Crackberry"

37. Prefer the "fist bump" when meeting strangers and always insist they "lock it in"

38. Refuse to remove your Bluetooth earpiece during sex

46. Feel most comfortable in Tevas and jorts

58. Have taken more than one cell phone picture of your genitals

73. Will do anything for "shits and giggles"

83. Refer to yourself as a "vagitarian"



These qualities intrigue me. I'd like to develop them.


8. Have a ferret on your shoulder

63. Have a Tasmanian Devil "tramp stamp"

76. Can only make love to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones

1 comment:

Calcium Glitter said...

WHAT?!
A ferret on your shoulder would be a reason why you're single?!

Uhh, I don't know any man who would be able to resist a woman with a large rodent perched on her shoulder.