Ted Danson is SO JEALOUS!

While having a cigarette with my co-worker Jose, I was told the most unbelievably fantastic story in the history of celebrity gossip. Apparently Jose used to be a room service waiter at an upscale NYC hotel. He explained how that job lead him to witness some of the most insane celebrity behavior, more crazy than what the tabloids usually document. As we enjoyed our few stolen moments in the sun, he related a story about the famed actor and director (P.S. Your Cat is Dead) that I knew would entertain and shock my long-distance wife to her very core.

Apparently, on one routine trip delivering over priced hamburgers, and champagne, my compadre Jose was faced with the one, the only, Guttenberg himself. Jose was in awe of S.G's Police Academy greatness, yet he pressed on to perform his waiterly duties. As Steve sat at the table in the room, attempting to appear somewhat buisinesslike, a hot, naked, cokehead bounced from bed to bed, attempting to distract the Gutt from the task at hand. As Jose dutifully awaited his much deserved tip, the girl plucked a green M&M from a large array of colors, proclaiming, "OOOOH, A GREEN ONE, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?? YOU'RE GONNA GET LAAAAAAAIIIIIIIDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What could Jose do, but await payment, as the girl mounted the star? (She must have known Gutt's 15 minutes would quickly cease, therefore, was taking her chance immeditately). Jose was astonished to witness that such a temporary celebrity could afford such a large mountain of drugs! His job was not to judge though, it was to serve.

So, here's to you Jose, I salute you!