While hanging out this weekend, Boulos and I were watching TV, as we are wont to do. We came across a very strange alka seltzer ad, which I will be forced to describe, as it does not yet exist on youtube:
A bunch of people are hanging out after work at a bar and the older guy shouts "Wings!" and is then seen taking a very hearty bite of what is presumably a chicken wing. Cut to two total assholes at the table who look at one another conspiratoriallybefore one says, "Wings? He won't be in tomorrow." (Maybe he doesn't repeat "wings," but whatever). Then they nod like douchebags and smile wickedly.
Then old dude is at home in the bathroom and makes a face like he has bad cramps. He takes some alka seltzer and feels better. His expressions in this scene are really horrifying.
Next morning, the young ones walk into the office uber-casually (they're HOLDING their suit jackets, not wearing them!) and boss turns a corner, smiles like the douchebuster he is, and says, "Guys, you're late!" The two lame-os look sheepish, realizing they've been outfoxed by the old gasbag. One of the two young ones is freakishly heinous.
We were perplexed by this ad -- the bad acting, the weirdness, the idea that someone's wing-eating habits would be cause to suspect they might miss work.
So, after watching Jeopardy yesterday (which I DVR 2x a day, thank you very much), I made the mistake of staying tuned for the "Jeopardy is sponsored by" ads, which are always super creepy (AARP ads, ads for life insurance you can get even if you are 104, the roll-them-out-of-bed-and-into-the-wheelchair thing that helps you take care of your invalid spouse at home -- basically, they are aimed at people who are knocking at death's door). The first was a creepy ovaltine commercial, of course. God, those people are all robots, especially whoever is offering the children the robot-juice they call ovaltine, in this case a scary-ass mom who says, "well, I guess I'll have to make more ovaltine shakes!" as though she might be saying, "well I guess I'll be eating the children's faces for dinner tonight!"
But up next: the one where the guys think their boss won't be in due to wings! I watched it 3x because I find it very amusing and I have no life. I figured out a few things we had missed upon first viewing, which I think we can be forgiven for because we didn't use the rewind feature last time, and the ad is about 15 seconds long:
1) He is actually drunk, that is why he is so cheerily ordering wings. But alkaseltzer is too subtle to come right out and say that, or advocate their product's use as a pre-hangover remedy, so they confuse and amuse us instead. His facial expression pre-alka seltzer but post-wings clued me into this -- if wings will get you that intoxicated, I'm quitting WW and heading over to Buffalo Wild Wings asap.
2) THOSE ARE NOT WINGS. They are chicken fingers/tenders, whatever you want to call them. They are blatantly fried, un-saucy, and not wing-like.
3) The white underling is SO CREEPY and ugly. He looks like Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall, but creepier and with fish lips. I want an alternate ending in which he dies.
That is all! Pictures to come, if Boulos ever gets her ass in gear!