Wednesday, March 07, 2007


What could be better than a Saved By the Bell-themed Law and Order: Criminal Intent episode in which Dustin Diamond's character is portrayed as not simply a pathetic opportunistic horndog, but a dead one? And Mark-Paul Gosselaar is into screwing Dustin's Albanian sloppy seconds and pirating unreleased movies? I'll tell you what: Saved by the Bell poetry.

A couple of nights ago, while somewhat insomniac, I was struck with a brilliant lightening bolt of inspiration. I sat up, turned on the light, grabbed a pen and recorded a Saved By the Bell-themed haiku.

The following day, Boulos and I composed a number of Saved by the Bell haikus via email for this tribute to Mario Lopez. The one that came to me as if by magic is last, to properly heighten your anticipation.

Haikus by Boulos:

Oh Tori Spelling
Playing Nerdy Violet
9-0 Will Save You

Beach Club Days go by
Scientologist* Romance
Love lesson for Zach

I’m so Excited
I’m so scared, I’m so scared Zach!
Jessie Spano Rocks

*Leah Remini

Haikus by Amanda:

Money in a bag.
What to do? I want tickets
to sell for profit

Hey, how gay am I?
Good question, AC Slater.
You’re totally queer.

Miss Lisa Turtle:
Stop teasing my prick, you bitch
Let's fuck already

Just take off your pants
Mr. Belding. We're not at
Bayside any more.**

**To be read suggestively but with contempt by Nomi Malone, formerly known as Jessie Spano, in the back lapdance room at the Cheetah Club, a place that almost certainly allows hooking in the Champagne Room.

Love you A.C.!

Ummm... [vomits a little in mouth]... you too, Screech!

No comments: